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Wednesday, 28 September 2011

Photos from the Muehlenberg family album

Here's a picture of Bill delivering a speech at an "Australian Bigot Rally":

And here's another of Bill collecting his diploma in bigotry and delusion:

Awwww. Isn't he just adorable?

How to write your own Bill Muehlenberg article!

Hot on the heels of my Muehlenberg glossary, in which I explained the meaning of old Bill's favourite buzz-words, I bring you the do-it-yourself guide to creating you very own Muehlenberg article!

Please remember that the most important factor is to turn off your brain and to always use hyperbole over evidence. Avoid theology and instead churn out hate-mongering diatribes against gay people, atheists, non-Christians and anyone with centre or left-wing political views. But concentrate on those gays!

You need to adopt a tone of self-righteous hectoring, and as soon as you've made a point, start the next sentence with "Indeed". Repeat this tedious rhetorical device several times.

Describe anyone who disagrees with you and uses evidence to dismantle your arguments as "playing fast and loose with the truth". If they stand for anything that you don't like, label them a "zealot". If they're atheist, they're by default "a materialist zealot".

Remember to describe the actions of people with whom you disagree as happening "big time" and remind your readers that the "zealots" have "declared war on Christianity". Efforts to remove discrimination from society are to be declared "PC madness".

Blame all of society's ills on homosexuals who don't wish for weird religionists to "cure" them. Refer to any homosexual who wishes to get on with their life free from theocratic bullying as a "militant homosexual activist".

Refer to people who disbelieve in your particular juju up the mountain as "our atheist buddies" in a failed attempt at sarcasm, since you actually loathe anyone who doesn't believe your bullshit. There are people who do believe your bullshit, but interpret it in a more liberal way. Call them "useful idiots".

Remember to never admit when you are wrong, and to maintain that anyone who points out your idiocy is merely "agenda-pushing".

Don't bother with facts. Just claim that your arguments are watertight because you "have documented countless examples of this on this site". When concluding your 1,000 words of drivel, state: "There you have it, folks," to give the illusion that you've made a coherent point.

Play the victim card by suggesting that Christians will soon be imprisoned for worshipping their juju. When reporting instances of people who have been hounded to death by religious loons, claim that they are "playing the victim card". Maintain rank hypocrisy at all times.

When responding to someone who disagrees with you, be as impolite, hectoring and pompous as possible. Always use the phrase: "let me call your bluff".

Remember to be sneering and vicious to anyone who isn't a fundamentalist Christian, but then cry foul when the same tone is adopted in reverse.

Remember to AVOID discussions on how old you think the earth is (perhaps make oblique references to "praying big time about this important issue").

Remember that scientific evidence only counts when you think it's on your side. For example, the overwhelming evidence in favour of evolution can be safely ignored.

Quote-mine from a scientist, or a "militant homosexual activist" and take their words completely out of context in order to deceitfully "back up" your argument.

Avoid awkward questions.

Use ready fallacies and debating tactics such as "no true Scotsman", tu quoque and the ad hominem when engaging in "debate".

Claim everything is unfair and you're right about everything.

Repeat ad infinitum.

For the complete makeover, grow a beard and look like a balding demented mule in specs.

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

A Handy Bill Muehlenberg Glossary

Ever bamboozled by the phrases Muehlenberg churns out over and over again?

I've compiled a little glossary to help you along.

Agenda-pushing - Bill's quick way to quickly silence anyone who disagrees with him in the comments section. He simply declares that they are "pushing an agenda" and invites them "to do so elsewhere". Way to debate, Bill!

Christophobia - any law or action that restrains Xtians from impinging upon the rights of others. (Also "anti-Xtian bigotry".)

Creeping sharia - not sure about this one. Seems to be some sort of weed that Bill has terrible trouble with in his garden.

Discrimination - to be unfairly prejudiced against someone, or a group. Of course, this only exists when asserting right to freedom from bigotry against Xtians.

Lobby - any group of non-Xtian people

Militant Homosexual Activist - a gay person who isn't totally ashamed of their sexuality and asserts their right to live their life free from bigotry and hatred from Xtian fundies.

Misotheist - someone who doesn't think Xtians are entitled to act like bigoted fuckwits with impugnity and who doesn't wish to live in a theocracy where Muehlenberg's interpretation of the bible decides on the laws.

Scientism - a word to use to try to make the evidence go away when the findings of science disprove the rantings of Bronze Age Middle Eastern illiterate goatherds that you've convinced yourself are the word of god.

I hope that helps. It's a start at least. Please let me know if you have any other words that should be added to the Muehlenberg glossary and I'll update it!